More thoughts on Christmas...

I should probably put a "Deeply Spiritual and Mind Provoking" on this post...read on at your own risk.

I would rather not use my blog as a podium to preach on, “I believe this..”  “I can’t believe that..” However, after listening to the podcast of another dead-on sermon by Geoff Bradford (of Liberti Church) I feel I should confess a few things. 

I found myself getting irrationally angry at a cozy romantic Christmas commercial the other day.  I don’t watch much TV here in Italy, and we normally don’t get westernized commercials like those broadcasted in America.  So, for me to see a happy couple fawning over each other on the television, I felt like the ostentatious romanticism that comes along with an American Christmas was following me to Italy.  When in actuality, I know why I saw that commercial. 

I have long prided myself on being a fabulous “independent woman” (which I no doubt am…) and I would be the first one to bark at someone for insinuating I find a boyfriend, or roll my eyes at a girl in love.  There is a fine line between being secure enough with myself to not need another person to “complete me” and letting that image poison any notion of loving another. 

I think we can all attest to the awful mix of joy and pain in the holiday season.  Even as a Christian, I often find myself feeling empty around this time of year, dreading being the only one without a date on Christmas, dreading the inevitable inquiries from family to my romantic life, and those awful commercials, films, and advertisements that scream “You need someone on Christmas!” 

Geoff’s sermon focuses on the hurt and dissatisfaction that many of us feel around the holidays.  It is only human nature that we long for things.  In fact, I’m pretty sure you’d get a roll of the eyes if you ran around telling people how happy and content you are with everything in your life.  Well, the people of Israel were dissatisfied and hurting too.  They had waited almost four hundred years without a word from God, and then he delivered them a savior. 

God knows how dissatisfied we are.  God wants us to confess our longings and desires to him.  Only then can he begin to heal our wounds that we think are too deep to repair.  Christmas is the perfect time to confess our longings, just as I am to you.  It is the perfect time to be honest and humble, saying, “I know I am broken, and sad, and long for things other than what I claim.”  Believe me, putting this on paper (virtual paper), and clicking “publish post” was not an easy thing to do.  Why do I want all my friends and family who read this blog to know my innermost weaknesses?  It may seem strange to some but for me, this is me, telling you, that I am broken, and long for things that I often claim I don’t.   Even as a “Christian”, I turn away from my Gods saving grace, and seep deeper into my little pool of self-pity. 

If you’ve actually reached this far, and are not completely confused/annoyed/bored, I ask that you too be honest in this Christmas time.  When we are honest with ourselves and our loved ones about our flaws, we are being honest with God.  I know that every drop of insecurity I have been telling you is washed away by the salvation that I get in Jesus Christ, even if it does take a lot of prying and crying to get it out of me.  I am not perfect, in fact I am the opposite, but I can rest in the joy that this season brings, because this season brings me a savior…and Lord knows I’m in need of one.

mixed holiday feelings

so for those of you who don't know, i will be spending the holidays here in rome with my very near and dear 'lizbear' and 'wife' a.k.a. - sarah p.  as the days roll by (and they are rolling by VERY fast),  i get all giddy and excited to see my girls.  i have almost every second filled up with making cookies, shopping for the PERFECT cheeses and salumi, running around rome with silly santa hats, and snuggling with "cioccolato caldo" or hot chocolate - italian style.  i am flabbergasted (did i really just use that word?) that they will actually be here in one week, and even more grateful to have them here.  i don't know what the holidays would be like without loved ones by your side..

that being said, i also have to take this moment to express the other half of me that is completely heartbroken that i won't be home for christmas.  granted,  christmas with the lawless's usually includes my brother's girlfriend crying over something he did, me screaming at my mother because you can't find anything in her kitchen, and then there is of course the countless reminders that i'm the only "single" one at the table.  i must admit - there are few things i could live without, but there are so many things i will miss about not being home.  who will design a ridiculously difficult gingerbread house with j.p?  (which NEVER gets finished...except that one time when we were 10 and 12).  who will make my uncle greg his decorated sugar cookies that take FOREVER to decorate?  who will sit up until 2 a.m. finishing wrapping presents with rich and maria while we drink decaf coffee as if it will give us more energy?  who will play really bad renditions of christmas carols at the murphy's house?  who will watch "elf" with michael and justin and answer the phone saying "buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?"   who will get the christmas box this year between me, steph, and liz?  this will be my first year missing christmas eve breakfast at liz's (christmas eve breakfast consists of pancakes and cookies - healthy! it's the best).  

we all have our traditions and christmas customs.  i know i will miss snow, and the christmas houses on washington ave, and those ridiculous blow-up christmas displays that have replaced all the beautiful lights that once graced pizza mountain.  i will miss sitting with sandee and bruce for hours talking about life and gossiping about all the people that we've lost touch with.  i'll miss the swedish choir concert with their delectable Glögg and their even more delectable conductor!  

will all this said, i know i am going to have the christmas of a life time... i just don't want anyone to think that i've completely forgotten how wonderful christmas is at home (even if it is in scranton :P).  i'll make sure we take LOTS of pictures and drink LOTS of wine in your honor.  a very happy christmas season to all <3

idioms.

so i'm teaching some of my students idioms, as they are essential to english conversation.  however, I'VE never heard of these idioms.  tell me if you have...or if they've actually been used in the last 50 years.  i'm thinking about bringing some back.

i didn't study for the test tomorrow, so it looks like i'll be burning the midnight oil.  

man, i'm really bushed, i better get to bed.  (umm..could have some bad connotations.  not bringing this one back.)

How's the chow in the university cafeteria? (TOTALLY bringing this one back)

that's about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

got a hitch in your giddy-up? (swear it's for real.)

i'll just leave you to stew in your own juices. (not sure if this one should have ever been created at all) 

have any funny idioms you'd like to share?  i'm waiting on bated breath.

the good, the bad, and the funny

Aside from the obvious Nutella, wine, and ridiculous amounts of beautiful people and places, Italy has some quirks I think you’d all enjoy.  Though, even though I hate to admit it, there are some amenities I miss from the states.  And although I will never get used to hummers on small philly streets or a starbucks on every corner, there are a few things where I think the US has italy beat.

The good:

1.  - Bus tickets.  They are available EVERYWHERE.  Ever go through the “oh crap I’m late and don’t have a token” rush?  Don’t fret because the tobacco shop will have a bus pass, and if they don’t I’m sure the café on the corner will!

2.  - Piazzas.  My saving grace.  1. More often than not, they are beautiful.  2. In this big city, it’s the most secure way of traveling.  When in doubt, find a piazza.  I’m sure there will be some connecting bus or marker to help you find your way.

3.  - Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.  (Literally.)

The Bad:

1.  - they don’t use towels to dry off in italy.  They use terrycloth bathrobes.  Which is fine, if that’s what you’re used to.  I’ve never been a fan of the big, heavy, and sometimes itchy robe myself, so it has taken some adjustment to wander back to my room dripping wet inside a big bathrobe.

2.  - Everyone wears jackets and long sleeves in 70 degree weather.  Like a Los Angeles winter, people are dawning their scarves and mittens while I’m prancing around in a sun-dress.  I don’t care if they know I’m American, you’re not going to get me to dress like an Eskimo in this beautiful weather.

3.  - In case you didn’t know, the first floor of every building is known as the ground floor.  That means, the “second floor” in American terms, is actually the first floor.  Sound confusing?  It is.  I’ve been here three months (wow really?) and I still haven’t gotten used to it.  I keep entering elevators and exiting one floor too short.

4.  - Carpet?  I don’t think they’ve ever heard of it.  ALL floors in italy are marble, tile, or wood.   Hence my need for slippers.  Thanks mom!

5.  - Fruit silverware.  Strange, yes.  Fruit after dinner is a normal here, a thing I like for sure.  But EVERY fruit is cut with a fork and a knife.  I definitely looked like a savage grabbing an apple after dinner the first night and taking a bite. 

6.  - Bars.  Yes, there are bars/restaurants/etc.  However, try to find one that actually has a BAR where you can sit and have a drink.  Harder than you think.

TheFunny:

Ita - Italy likes to take the most god-awful television from America and turn it into an even bigger piece of crap than it is in the states.  Whether it’s Italy’s Next Top Model, or Who wants to be a Star?  Live Italian television always seems to fall short (and fall hard.)  Watch some late night television here and you will see.  It’s like a talk show spoof on SNL, except for real.  It’s bad.

 

il soldatino di spagno

i'm sure many of you know of the story of the tin soldier. a hans christian anderson classic. i was recently reintroduced to said tale, but a slightly different version from the one i am used to.

boy (without leg) meets girl (with leg under tutu). - so far so good.
boy falls out window and is found by some boys. - still lo stesso.
boys make boat and send the soldier down the river to the sewer. - right.
soldier gets eaten by fish and sold to the very same household he came from. - the same!

and THEN.....the soldier is reunited with his one-legged love and they live happily ever after! NO. that is the story i knew only too well. in fact, disney included the story in fantasia 2000 with that very ending.


the REAL ending to the story is: the soldier gets blown into the fire when the window is opened. the ballerina falls right after him and the two burn up together in the fire, leaving only a tin heart and the flowers from the ballerina's tutu.


why on earth did we change the ending? it is so sad, yet gratifying at the same time. we love our happy endings in the U.S. and i agree, they are wonderful...but hans wrote the ending this way for a reason! i'm gonna spread the word of the REAL ending, and i hope you all appreciate it as much as i do.

my new jam.

everyday. on the bus.

la bella lavanderina
che lava i fazzoletti
per i poveretti della città.
fai un salto, fai un' altro
fai un gira volta, fai un' altra volta
guarda su
guarda giù
fai un bacio chi voli tu!

in english..more or less.
the beautiful wash girl (?..the best translation i could think of)
who washes the handkerchiefs
of the poor in the town.
jump once, jump again
turn around, and one more time
look up
look down
give a kiss to whom you wish!

love transatlantic style

Autophobia: the fear of being alone.

before i came to italy, i was pretty confident that i suffered mildly from autophobia. when i first moved into the kater street house, i remember calling to rachael at night like a child, because my room was so big, and empty. i rarely go anywhere alone. the grocery store, CVS, for a walk, for a run. i like to be with people. in fact, i would go as far as to say i was dependent on being WITH people. and i'm sure my friends will attest to this..

part of my intentions on going to italy alone, was to test the waters of my solidarity. now, only two months into my journey, i am overjoyed at the ease of my transition. i have been showered with love from all over the globe. i have learned in these past two months, how much i am truly loved, and cared for. i am desperately trying to put into words how grateful i am for you all. i was close to tears today after recieving a THIRD package...this time from sarah and liz, complete with halloween goodies, hello kitty, and a HOT new winter coat (which i was in need of desperately).

at this point i'm pretty much close to spontaneous combustion from all this lovin. god has shown me so much about love. i'm sure you have all heard my stance on relationships on this point...and why i am so content without one. and after a long conversation with a DEAR friend, we concluded: love does not have to be found only in a romantic setting. certainly, there is something to be said for the profound love of a romantic relationship. love is simply love. whether it is a sisterly love, friendly love, or romatic love. all love is god's love. i see that more than ever. i have a love that will never fail me. and this i know for sure with all that god has blessed me with here in rome. i know this from the constant reminders from all my loved ones back in the states. thank you all for your sweet lovin. (i know...i need to stop before you run for the tissues.) but please know you are the loves of my life.

''American''

everday, i meet people from all over the world; dutch who speak italian, germans who speak british english, french who live in switzerland and speak german and russian, just to name a few. europeans are made up of an intricate web of history, some having family lines that they know date back to the middle ages.

what then of the americans? our country is a baby in comparison to the history that europe holds. most of us only know our family roots back three generations. and most of us are content with that. i have a german friend studied in the states a few years ago. a frequent conversation she had with americans living near by was similar to this:
american - oh you're german, cool so am i.
vera- oh really, where abouts are you from in germany?
american - oh i have no idea, but i know i'm german!

thus, europeans are quite confused as to what we actually mean by our ethnicity. to an ACTUAL german, germany is the country of their birth, and their heritage. to americans with german decent, it is an identity. a more complex version of the basic ''american'' which so many of us are. what do you define yourself as? i usually say my mother's family is from poland, and my father's from ireland. do i actually know if %100 of my father's side of the family is Irish? no, of course not. i am embarrassed to even admit, that i too have no idea what city my ancestors are from, or if i have distant relatives in Ireland or Poland. then there are those of us who are a number of different ethnicities. which ones do you choose to identify with? i've never met someone who has identified themself with more than 4or 5 ethnicities, and what traditions do you choose then to keep? i also have two adopted aunts. they are both blood to me, but in actuality, they may not be irish at all. the ethnic web of america is very complex. maybe that's why so few pursue their past.

we live in an american bubble where most history doesn't exist before 1776. europeans find it strange that we connect ourselves to a country, but know nothing of it's culture, history, or most importantly, language. i try to explain that it was essential to know english to be successful in the early 1900's. therefore, immigrants refused to speak their mother-tongue with their children, in hopes that their children would rise to a higher social status. funny enough, we have now done a 180 and try to raise bilingual children for that same reason. they knew nothing of raising bilingual children in the eighteenth century, and out went all other languages in the United States.

americans most certainly know how to be passionate about ethnicity. everyone is a little bit irish on st. patrick's day, and we all know the infamous ''everyone loves a .... girl'' t-shirts from urban outfitters. but we limit our passion to holiday traditions and flags in our homes. we are quite proud to acknowledge our ethnicities, but yet so ignorant as to pursue our past. but i encourage you all to really discover who you are, and where you are from. if for nothing else, do it so that when you are approached by a european of your same ethnic decent, you can actually name more than one major city in their country.

food for thought

when i was in the states i would often get the ''what's does this mean?'' question for pretty much any word that is in italian. i remember one time in particular when a new fab restaurant was opening on fairmount, ''osteria'' got asked that very question. it urked me that i was 1. stumped at an italian word and 2. stumped that i didnt know the answer to a restaurant question (god forbid!). and now, after a few months of slowly eating away at my italian and food snobbery pride, i have an answer!

did you know that 'back in the day' the town inn that offered food was called the osteria? [stress on the IA pizzle...i know how that plagued you.] it was never anything special...think dirty English Inn where they spit to clean out your mug. and the food was very basic and cheap - poor man's food. they were called osterias because the owner or 'host' was called an oste (from the latin hospite of course..)

Now the trattoria is one step up from an osteria. (italians add 'ia' to almost any shop. a latteria = a milk shop, a tabacherria = cigarette shop) you could find better quality food, and hopefully no cockroaches in your bed. the owner or host of a trattoria? a trattore (a cognate of traiteur in French, essentially meaning take-out. you could take your midprice meal home too!)

Finalmente, il ristorante. ristorare ''to restore'' is the original derivitive of the word, and it also comes from those clever french, who opened the first restaurant in 1765. It served hearty soups in which to restore your body...okay i think you get it.

Actually, now that i have all this information, it's kind of funny that the lavish italian antipasto bar on fairmount charges $18 for a pizza, and is named (essentially) the mcdonald's of italian restaurants..

basta è basta

i have had it with all the negativity an election brings. i praise god every day that i wasn't living during the civil war, or the civil rights movement, because i can't stand to see people (who are supposed to be united) so divided. the news reports, the youtube videos, and the facebook messages make me so sad.
where is people's passion? are people passionate about bettering our country and our lives or are people passionate about degrading others that might disagree with their point of view? what do you suppose our country would look like if we all starting focusing our passions in a positive way? i literally had to stop watching a youtube video last night because the narrator was so angry he made my stomach sick.
a friend overheard someone call sarah palin a ''stupid bitch''. so she retorted ''is she REALLY stupid? she is the govenor of alaska. and why is she a bitch all of a sudden?'' we automatically use coloquial phrases like this to justify our opinions...getting us nowhere. i can't say that i'm not to blame either. but it reminds me how much we all need to release this negativity from our lives. nothing good will evercome from negativity. please remember this when you vote tomorrow. whatever the outcome, our country is going to change. and if you don't like it, you can always move to italy with me. :)

tanti auguri a me!

well it's official. my birthday is international. AND my birthday will go down in philadelphia history. every year just keeps topping the last. i'm scared to see what my birthday will be like when i'm 50. watch out world.
oh, and my 'little monsters' surprised me with a gift and a tart! oh they look harmless in a photo...and it's always the cute ones. i know - i was one of the cute ones. (still am!)
actually the girls were really great last night. ''please behave, it's my birthday!''
but on more serious note - thank you to all who sent me cards, e-cards, facebook messages, and FANTASTIC packages for my birthday. i can't tell you how loved i feel right now. there is no reason why i should be blessed with such loving family and friends, but i am. i will never be able to express in words my gratitude and love for you all. (and the phils...woo!)
love from abroad,
carrie

My new Address!

Ciao Tutti,
After much probing from Rachel Allen, I finally remembered to ask Signora for my new address. So here it is! PLEASE don't send anything to the other address I gave you (gee, i wonder why anyone would want to send me anything TOMORROW? hmm). Send it here!

Carrie Lawless
c/o Signora Magni
Via Giovanni Barracco 11
00162 Roma, Italia

paradise or exile?

rome, italy.  8:59 pm

the marble beneath me is cold, but the fact that i have internet for even a minute is too tempting to move.  i've been sitting on my window-sill for a good two hours with a bottle of wine and my itunes on random watching the passers-by below.  this is my last night in the bed and breakfast, because tomorrow i depart for my new home with my new family.  my new life here in rome for the next eight months.

i make assumptions of the people below my window, some in a hurry for a dinner party, with grocery bags in hand, and others dragging along youngsters trying to get home in one piece.  this city is bustling of life and i find myself longing to partake.  of course, my current situation is complicated and my lack of funds restricts me from having TOO much fun.

really my problem is that italians don't go anywhere alone.  last night i was starving and wanted to relax at a bar drinking a beer and chatting with the people around.  

1. bars don't exist here.  YES, there are BARS but there are no seats to sit at alone, only tables for 3 or 4.  

2. NO ONE goes out alone.  this is not an exaggeration.  every single restaurant i passed had couples or groups of people dining.  this is probably because it's so fucking expensive to dine out here.  but none the less, i would stick out as a sore thumb FOR SURE, and i was not about about to attract unwanted attention.

this city is divine.  as i stare out my window i can't even put into words the appreciation that i have for being able to be here in this beautiful ancient paradise. if only i had someone to experience it with...

calling all moms

are italian children particularly difficult or is it just me? praise the good lord for my mother because i know i was a temper-tantrum nightmare when i was little. now karma has come to bite me in the ass because i am taking care of my equivalent in italy. the worst part is, these kids are so freaking cute it breaks your heart to see them frown (which they do MASTERFULLY). oh but i am NOT going to fall for their tricks. so today i let eva (2 yrs old) sit in the time-out chair for 10 minutes without any pants on because she refused to let me put them on. so she cried and cried and kicked and screamed and tried to hit me, but i ignored her. don't ask me how i got the pants on...pure force really. so question - is this the best policy? i don't want them to hate me, but i dont want them to walk all over me either. where do you the line? they are so small, but OH so cunning. and they aren't allowed any processed sugar, so gelato bribes are out of the question. i'm sure they will get used to me in time, because frankly they dont have a choice. but i would oh so appreciate all of your motherly advice, because i am at a loss...

La Dolce Vita?

Ok friends and family, sorry for the delay - but I assure you there is a good reason for my lack of communication. ONCE AGAIN, my life in Rome has been uprooted and I'm back to square one. BOH. I had to leave the family I was living with because of 'technical difficulties' as we will call them, and I am now living in a Bed and breakfast near the Vatican. without internet. FABULOUS. Anyway, don't fret because I am so used to just rolling along at this point I have no time (or money) to cry over spilled milk. Let's see how many idioms I can fit into this blog entry.
Anyway, I quit my teaching job (because frankly I didn't like it and it wasn't a lot of money) and I'm spending this week with a new family with two little girls. I am basically going to be a mom for the next 8 months. This job requires A LOT more than Marco did, but I think I need this. No more 4-12 serving job. I need to learn how to be an adult, and manage my time. SO, now you're up to date. I'm sorry this is short, but I will upate you more next week when I move in for sure. For now, I'm going to play circus with my new little girls (and have a glass of wine when they go to bed.)

you've got mail

well i certainly hope i get mail after this blog!  in case any of you haven't noticed....it's OCTOBER.  october is international month of carrie's birthday.  just throwing it out there.  but anyway, things are getting oddly comfortable here.  i guess i never thought i would actually adapt to roman life.  but i know the bus schedule, the best gelato in my neighborhood, and which brand of yogurt i like! we're making progress folks!  anyway, IF any of you out there would like to send me something via the pony express, here's what you have to do.

1. you can't send me shoes.  i don't know why, but they aren't allowed to be send to italy.  maybe b/c they want you to pay 100 euro for a pair of shoes.  that's my guess anyway

2. i can't get anything addressed to me, or i won't receive it at my house here.  so make sure you address anything as follows:

Carrie Lawless

Presso Ignazio Pediconi

Via Val d'Ala 20E

Roma, Italia 00141

I'm looking forward to receiving ALL your love. ;)

Amo.

fall for me is warm apple cider.  i love the crisp air that makes your nose all red.  i love walking around the city in a sweater with a mug of tea and sitting in independence park watching the leaves fall.  i love the crunch of the leaves on the cobblestone streets.  i love that the only thing that isn't a red, orange, or yellow is the blue sky peaking through the trees.  i love going for a drive to pick out a 28 pound pumpkin.  i love baking apple pies, apple cobbler, apple turnovers, and anything else with the TONS of apples we pick.  

i remember the train rides on the Steamtown line when we were younger.  i remember our packed lunches of mini crunch bars, peanut butter crackers, and sandwiches. that one time i went with Rich by myself and i got gum all over my face (don't remember how, but i remember it not being fun).  i remember the "haunted" hayrides, that you waited in line for an hour only to close your eyes for the entire ride.  i remember driving my mother crazy with my birthday parties, complete with costumes, candied apples, and plenty of candy to go around.  these are some of the best memories of my life.  it is truly a blessing to have been able to live in such a beautiful picturesque place, if only for those two or three months a year.  this is the first year in my entire life not being able to experience those joys of autumn in PA and i must tell you, it sucks.  i appreciate all our wonderful state has to offer even more now.  so please - if you all take anything from this entry, take this.  ENJOY what god has put before your eyes.  enjoy every cup of tea, every scent of firewood burning in a chimney nearby.  enjoy the stores being strewn with all things halloween.  enjoy life.  because although i tend to think i appreciated this time of year before, it is nothing like the pain of not having it with me.  i'm sure i'm going to experience wonderful fall like wonders here in rome.  marco and i are going to make a pie this weekend!  ahh...pasta and apple pie.  we're an international house. 

take a chill pill.

alas, after a month here in rome i am finally sick.  fear not, i am not on my death bed - but i am snuggled up cozy w/ some tea (finally i get tea!!) and 'you've got mail'.  (p.s. liz - this bed reminds me of the ones we had in puerto rico.  i don't think i'll be getting out anytime soon.)  i suppose it's about time, since i've been running around on tile floors with inappropriate clothing for the past few weeks.  i am fully equipped with all the medicine and TLC i need, but i think this shall really be the first test of how much i miss home.  you know how you get when you're sick...boh.  do they have chicken soup here?

il uomo con i fiori

So last night was my last night in the convent.  I had a great job interview today so I shall be starting soon I suppose…I don’t actually know – they said they would call in a few days to talk specifics.  

I wanted to savor all that this little neighborhood had to offer.  I haven’t actually experienced much of it – but I wanted to go out for a pizza at this famous pizzeria and have a gelato at my favorite gelato place, very close to the Pantheon.  So I sat with my prosciutto, mozzerella, onion, and egg pizza,  and a ½ a liter of wine for a good hour.  I probably looked like an idiot sitting by myself and smiling – but I couldn’t stop smiling!  I don’t know why but I was just so encompassed in the evening that I had to smile.  This cute couple sat next to me – they were probably weirded out.

After dinner I went to the Pantheon to get my favorite gelato (croichele di pistachio e ricotta con ficchi)  and I heard this BEAUTIFUL singing.  There was a tenor singing opera arias in the piazza.  There was a crowd around him and all of the people at the restaurants nearby were watching as well.  So I went and got my gelato and came back to listen for a little while.  After he finished I went up to him and told him he had a beautiful voice and I myself was a classical singer (in Italian – everyone always asks me if I talk in English or Italian here…most often it’s Italian).  He told me to sing an Italian duet with him!  I said, “No, No, I don’t know any Italian duets!”  and he said to wait until he finished.  So I waited and watched a nearby mime (hilarious.) and Antonio (the singer) came over and gave me flowers.  So after he finished he walked me home and we chatted about music, etc… so now I have three roses and a smile that won’t go away – Rome is fab.

pennies from heaven...

i feel like i've been looked after so much since i have been here in rome.  whether it is friends being there for me in times of need, or jobs being presented to me on a daily basis - this is truly amazing how much i am cared for here.  it comforts me so much that i know that you all can be assured i am safe and doing well.  i have my second (and really big!) interview tomorrow with this international school teaching english.  let's hope all goes well! 

but to take you all back to the day at the lake, i had a lot on my mind - about a lot of things.  our pastor gave an especially moving sermon and i wanted to clear my head about some stuff.  so i went the beautiful villa borghese and sat down by the lake laden with little boats of lovers..

this is what it looked like...minus the pegasus

i didn't know how to deal with my feelings at this moment so i wrote them down.  so i will end with this: 

"how do i describe how i am feeling?  my heart is so full it is overflowing into my lungs and i can't breath.  i want to cry, but i don't know if it is from joy or sorrow.  maybe a bit of both.  i am grateful, so secure and yet still insecure. my mind wanders and i find something new and profound to revel about.  i am wearing my heart on my sleeve and for the first time, i'm not scared."

che brutto..

so i figure i owe you all an update.  my apologies.  so here's what went down this past weekend:

1. the family i had chosen to live with bailed on me because their current nanny decided to stay with them.  i can't say i blame them for their decision, but that sucked. 

2. i'm back to square one, meeting more families, etc. i have a job interview for an english teacher tomorrow.  so here's hoping!

3. after all this backwards-ness, i needed to think.  so i went to the beautiful villa borghese (equivalent of central park here in rome) and i sat by the lake, which resembles the one from fantasia.  (i'll develop that further in my next blog..)  but i'm sitting there and this old man comes over to me and asks if he could sit down.  so of course i say yes.  long story short, i have a new old man friend here in rome.  he's a composer.  he likes wagner (i told him i don't sing wagner..)

however, he was not the only friend i made.  i keep getting stopped by older gentlemen (in restaurants, outside restaurants, store owners, baristas, etc) and they give me their numbers. 

so now my purse is filled with phone numbers from old men.  only i would come to rome to be picked up by a 70 year old...

we have contact!

it's kind of embarrassing to admit, but i have joined the thousands obsessed with their iphone.  the thought of not using it here was devastating, but the thought of trying to hack it myself and ruining it would have been more devastating.  OH WELL.  i did it anyway!  and now i have my precious iphone here w/ me in italy. yay.  even better, i have an italian number now!  so everyone run out to the store and pick up an international calling card to call me!  you can call any time you'd like, and it's free for me.  i don't know how much it is for me to call you.  the instructions are in italian and i haven't ventured figuring them out yet...but call me!  

REMEMBER: east coasters - you are 6 hours behind me.  don't call me at 4 a.m.

il mio numero: +39 331 766 3395

In the name of the Father + Son and the Holy Spirit, Here goes.

It’s fo sho. I am officially staying in Rome! So I may have stolen those lines from C.S. Lewis. I actually stole them from Liberti’s new pastor Jared when he spoke a few weeks ago. So really I’m bringing this phrase full circle! I feel like I’ve just jumped into a bog and have the all the tools to get out. (bogs are not easily escapable apparently..) I have straight up come to a foreign country and in two weeks established myself with a home and job. It’ not as hard as they say! As my brother would say, “Action kills fear.” (I’m passing it on Rich!)
These past two weeks have been a whirlwind but I’m so thankful for all of the prayers and thoughts. Without them I don’t think I would be where I am today. After MUCH prayer and thinking, I decided to live with a family here in Rome with 2 young girls (15 months and 3 years). There is much reasoning for this decision but for the sake of avoiding boredom I’ll be brief. 1. I can stay and Rome and look for other work during the day while the girls are at school. 2. Rome is pretty central so a lot of other Italian cities are accessible to me. 3. I get to have sisters for once! 4. The girls are very young, so transition for them is nothing. 5. I LOVE this family.
Enough said right? I’m very happy and I’ll be sure to post pictures of my new home and family as soon as possible. It’s almost hard to believe I’m actually committing to a life here. Of course, I will see you all in May when I return for the weddings… here goes.

getting cold feet (it's probably the tile floors..)

dag it's cold.  i mean, i don't even think it's this chilly in philly this time of year... ah well, i can't complain.  autumn is my absolute favorite time of year.  this is definitely going to be a test because i experience the craziest of emotions in autumn.  we all know my birthday consumes the entire month of october, so that is upon us of course.  but also, i don't think there's a more beautiful time of year.  the colors of pennsylvania foliage, the apple cider, the cold noses.  i hope i get some of those feelings here, or i will just be devastated.  there's nothing like that first day you need a sweater.  

pumpkin picking last year...*sigh*

alas, this is one huge sacrifice i am making to be here in this european paradise.  however, i can't help but keep thinking of this family located in the north (where i of course could partake in all the luxuries of fall..).  but aside from the weather, they seem to be a wonderful family that i would love to be a part of. side note:  i feel like i'm speed dating au pair style. it's like i'm on 'the dating game' picking which bachelor is right for me...so strange.

but anyway, i have made some beautiful connections here in roma, and i don't want to leave them (and frankly i'd much rather the city than the country).  So then, why is this family still on my heart and in my mind when i have wonderful prospects here? (which i do.  i'll post pictures of the delightful family i met here in rome)  it is definitely something to pray about.  i'd love your opinions, because i'm all about hearing what my friends and family have to say.  but enough of that.  the lord is providing in abundance here.  amazing isn't it?  (i still miss you all...probably as much as i miss hot sauce.)  ;)

I'll take "Answer to Prayer" for $500

"This evening Carrie received 5 e-mails for Nanny jobs and a reference for a teaching position in Rome"

"Umm...What is..Carrie's answer to prayer?"  

"That's correct!"

    So not exactly a great jeopardy question, but i figured i had to give you something after leaving you all hanging for a few days.  my apologies.  so this is my newest news.  thank you all for your prayers and well wishes for me here in Italy.  I haven't really been able to settle down until i know completely that i will have a nice family to stay with and be able to pay my bills every month (damn student loans...).  I have learned in the past few days NOT to ask god for particular things like "hey god, i would really like to stay here in rome...so umm if you could make that happen, that would be great."  but we need to ask god what HE wants us to do.  i still don't know what he wants me to do - but i do feel that i want to be a part of a family here in rome, and really make some lifelong connections.

    i too hope to have a family of my own someday (my mother would probably like this to happen sooner than later.  "where're your italian boyfriend?!" sorry mom...none yet), and i feel that desire to be with people who you love so much now that i'm away from you all.  i tend to think my family is pretty tight and we all show up for each other for birthdays, graduations, whatever!  let's have a party!  i have also realized i have been blessed with the most loving, enduring friends a person could ever ask for.  i'm serious.  i have a KEEN talent at picking AWESOME people to be my friend.  and because i have such close bonds at home, i hope to find them here too. i know god wants me to, and that's the plan.  so i'll keep you all posted, but i have lots of doors to open in the next few days, and hopefully i'll find the perfect family for me.  

all my love,

carrie

I'm gonna be home faster than you can say Nutella..

if i don't get myself moving on getting a J.O.B.  now all i have to do is pick up the phone and call these ads for babysitting/teaching.  since all of them are pretty vague it's hard to know what is expected of me, salary, area of town, etc. so i have to try and ask all these questions on the phone.  now i know you all think i'm the most fabulous italian speaker around, but in actuality i'm pretty mediocre.  sure i can express what i'm trying to say fine, but comprehending what i'm being told at 70 words a minute is not so easy.  especially on the phone.  so now i have this crazy anxiety about calling these people for jobs.  and i've never had anxiety before so i don't really know how to handle it.  so really i could use your prayers in that sector because like i said, i'll be home faster than you can Nutella if i don't get a job.  

this place is freaking expensive! and there are only so many proscuitto and mozzerella sandwiches one can eat. so for all of you who think i'm chillin w/ my pasta and vino every night and polishing off a good meal with some limoncello - i haven't had any limoncello to tell you the truth.  or pasta for that matter.  

also i can't bring myself to go out by myself for more than an hour or two.  i don't know what it is, but i feel so out of place. (i wonder why?! maybe because i'm in a strange country..) and i feel like people on the street can see that, which is ridiculous.  but it's this strange fear i've developed.  i've never liked to be by myself but i didn't think i couldn't handle being on my own.  i feel like i don't know what do or where to go, and if i get lost i am in a strange country and will not be able to communicate (which is ridiculous, because i can).  so instead i revert to staying inside all day and reading or doing some work (or writing my blog) and basically trying everything i can to NOT face the things i need to.  so there's my prayer request all.  the beautiful roman holiday is over, and i need to figure out what i am meant to do here.

and please let me make this disclaimer:  mostly for my mother, so she doesn't freak out.  i am having a wonderful time here.  please don't mistake this blog entry for anything that it's not.  i'm simply at a point in my trip where i have to take some action and i have some apprehensions.  i miss the comforts of home on a cold rainy day like this and i felt like venting to all of you.  this was bound to happen at some point, and rocio is here with me and we're going to watch a movie because it's a crap day.  and tomorrow if all goes to plan we are going to assisi so that shall really be wonderful! but if you could all keep me in your prayers for what god has planned for me next, it would be greatly appreciated. love you all.  finding nemo awaits.. ;)

when in rome try and not get hit by the pope.

so rocìo and i got tickets to go to the papal audience today.  

yesterday, swiss guard: "tre ragazze? (three girls?) ok."

i didn't know it was so easy to go see the pope!  so this was his first papal audience since vacation.  we got there at 8:30 even though it didn't start until 10:30.  there were HUNDREDS of people there when we arrived.  all waiting to go see the pope.  people from all over the world.  the presentation was read (in order) in: Italian, German, French, English, Spanish, and Russian/Polish - all done by the pope.  there was a choir form the US who all jumped up and sang 'god bless america'.  it wouldn't have been so cute if they weren't all old and in their baby blue choir robes (they were pretty good too.)  we actually had great seats about 40 rows back.  this thing felt like a freaking rock concert.  all these people screaming for the pope.  the air was filled with such excitement to see him it was like a bunch of 17 year old girls seeing justin timberlake.  and everyone shut up when the pope talked.  he doesn't seem like he likes to be interrupted.  so it was a great experience and he did a blessing over the whole room for any articles people might have had.  

so then rocìo and i were walking on a side street to go see if a church nearby had mass at that time, and i'm crossing the street (which isn't that big) and a police car comes around the corner.  i started to cross again and then two swanky mercedes with police lights come by (that usually means someone important) and i literally have to scoot back so i don't get hit (they like to drive fast here).  i look in the first one and there's an old man dressed in white in the back seat.  who else dresses in white who would be in that area in a black swanky car?!  you should have seen our faces.  i said "umm..rocìo i think we were almost just hit by the pope's car."  there's a story for the kids.