not cool.

not exactly sure how i'm supposed to go into this after "wig fetish". guess i'll just dive in.

some of my readers are already aware of the following.  to the others, all seven of you, please use this entry to remember all we've got in this life.

a friend of mine was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  i found out only a few moments ago it's stage IV breast cancer.  any of you who've seen "wit" will know that it's incurable.  she's 24.  

i wish i had something witty or uplifting to say.  i don't.  my brain is currently telling me that it's incapable of processing such news and has caused different parts of my body to act strangely, for example, my stomach currently feels like it's in my throat.  despite this horrifying news, my friend is actually a mountain of faith - and is currently affecting more people than she could possibly even know through her strength.  i, on the other hand, feel weak, and a mess.  not only is it terrifying to have to think about cancer at 24, it's terrifying to think of how i would be in this situation.

i know that's incredibly morbid to think - but i know you've all thought it.  when something bad happens to someone what do you do?  if you're as selfish as i am, you think "wow.  what would i do if that were me?".  in response to that question, i don't really know.  i know my faith is strong, i know that god is going to use this situation to bring so much glory...but i haven't been doing my part.  i fall way short.  and i know, we all fall short.  we're not perfect.  but you've got to try dammit.  if you want to stay healthy, can you continue to eat donuts everyday?  and shouldn't you add some exercise into your daily life?  (those are two places i fall short for sure - i'm lucky if i do yoga every other day. and my donuts are currently croissants).  if i want to love people better, and live the life i know god wants me to lead - shouldn't i pray more?  (b/c believe you me....i don't do it even half as much as i should) and even worse - shouldn't i be reading the bible, the one and only source of my lord and god, everyday?  the answer is most definitely yes.  i should be.  and i'm not. 

today also happens to be ash wednesday.  i told eva and camilla today begins the forty days that jesus was in the desert without food or water.  the man died for me.  i don't think i give him the time of day sometimes.  not cool.  very traditionally, christians usually fast during the lenten time.  i usually fast from sweets (difficult.  i know.).  is fasting from sweets really my ode to jesus' sacrifices for me?  no.  actually i think it's a way to get skinnier.  again.  so not cool.  my mom told me today that she's going to try and give herself more to the people she loves, and people in need.  my mom is an amazing woman.  and as i just got a spiritual slap in the face, i'm going to try and stop slacking - and be the person god wants me to be.  i know it's probably someone pretty awesome.  after all, this is the only life we got.