I'm gonna be home faster than you can say Nutella..

if i don't get myself moving on getting a J.O.B.  now all i have to do is pick up the phone and call these ads for babysitting/teaching.  since all of them are pretty vague it's hard to know what is expected of me, salary, area of town, etc. so i have to try and ask all these questions on the phone.  now i know you all think i'm the most fabulous italian speaker around, but in actuality i'm pretty mediocre.  sure i can express what i'm trying to say fine, but comprehending what i'm being told at 70 words a minute is not so easy.  especially on the phone.  so now i have this crazy anxiety about calling these people for jobs.  and i've never had anxiety before so i don't really know how to handle it.  so really i could use your prayers in that sector because like i said, i'll be home faster than you can Nutella if i don't get a job.  

this place is freaking expensive! and there are only so many proscuitto and mozzerella sandwiches one can eat. so for all of you who think i'm chillin w/ my pasta and vino every night and polishing off a good meal with some limoncello - i haven't had any limoncello to tell you the truth.  or pasta for that matter.  

also i can't bring myself to go out by myself for more than an hour or two.  i don't know what it is, but i feel so out of place. (i wonder why?! maybe because i'm in a strange country..) and i feel like people on the street can see that, which is ridiculous.  but it's this strange fear i've developed.  i've never liked to be by myself but i didn't think i couldn't handle being on my own.  i feel like i don't know what do or where to go, and if i get lost i am in a strange country and will not be able to communicate (which is ridiculous, because i can).  so instead i revert to staying inside all day and reading or doing some work (or writing my blog) and basically trying everything i can to NOT face the things i need to.  so there's my prayer request all.  the beautiful roman holiday is over, and i need to figure out what i am meant to do here.

and please let me make this disclaimer:  mostly for my mother, so she doesn't freak out.  i am having a wonderful time here.  please don't mistake this blog entry for anything that it's not.  i'm simply at a point in my trip where i have to take some action and i have some apprehensions.  i miss the comforts of home on a cold rainy day like this and i felt like venting to all of you.  this was bound to happen at some point, and rocio is here with me and we're going to watch a movie because it's a crap day.  and tomorrow if all goes to plan we are going to assisi so that shall really be wonderful! but if you could all keep me in your prayers for what god has planned for me next, it would be greatly appreciated. love you all.  finding nemo awaits.. ;)